Balancing Spiritual And Family Ambitions

Neelam Nimare

*This is a subject that resonates with almost every seeker who has embarked on a spiritual journey which is Balancing spiritual and family ambitions*

## Balancing Spiritual and Family ambitions ##

Journey on the Path of Knowledge is like stepping into a world where everything begins to shift. This must have been the experience of most of us, isnt it. There is a lot of transformation in the seekers perspective of life, relationships and his own Self. There are change in priorities .The mundane family concerns or emotional dramas no longer seem important. There happens a sort of detachment from ego based interactions. There comes need of solitude to contemplate or meditate. These transformations seem beautiful and quite natural for the seeker but for their families these can be very concerning. The families may not understand the seekers perspective and transformation. Like when the seeker takes aside an hour for contemplation, the family thinks he is avoiding responsibility. Swaying away from the existing family dynamics is not taken well and then the family can become an obstacle in the seekers progress.

So ,Walking on a spiritual path does bring the seeker face to face with the question of balancing spiritual and family life. Unless one is fortunate enough, this is not a bed of roses. As soon as the spiritual path is taken, the so called peaceful waters of family life begin to turn turbulent. As peace of mind settles within the seeker, turbulence of equal proportions arise within the family. Reactions from the family are so predictable that if a new seeker shares about it, no one is surprised. The seeker is muddled as to why would people react against his peaceful and harmless spiritual involvements. Well, the people behave in such a way because of the egoic or survival tendencies like fear , insecurity, possessiveness etc. This behaviour is generated due to the deep rooted ignorance about ones true nature. This is how the society is and the seeker himself was one among them some time back.These are some specific challenges that seekers may face from their families

*Financial or Emotional Dependencies.*
This is the commonest obstacle for the seeker. These are the pending responsibilities of dependent children, spouse or parents. Dependency can be physical, emotional or financial. Either the family members rely on you or you rely on them. Dependencies are very common especially regarding women seekers in our society.

*Conflicting beliefs*
If the path seeker is taking differs from the family traditions or religious beliefs, then the family may not approve it. They may see it as rejection of their identity. Families often argue as to why are you following something new when they have always being doing things this way. These differences gives rise to conflict.

*Resistance to solitude*
When the seeker starts needing alone time for contemplation or meditation, it can feel like rejection for the family. They may feel excluded or neglected. They may feel hurt like why do you need isolation for peace? Arent we the source of peace for you? Solitude is in contrast to family life which demands lot of time, energy and emotional investment.

*Family members often misunderstand detachment*
The seeker may feel detachment which means he has reduced interest in mundane worldly things. Detachment doesnt mean he stops caring, but families view it like the seeker is escaping or being self indulgent or selfish. If you no longer react to the emotional dramas they might think youve become cold or indifferent. The family may feel insecure and fear that they are losing their familiar emotional connection with you. So they resist the changes in your behaviour, priorities or routine. They expect the seeker to adhere to established family norms, roles and routines. They may also consider his reduced interest in wealth, possessions, status or career advancements as irresponsibility or lack of ambition.

*Expectations*
Some families may expect some overnight tangible benefits from the seekers spiritual journey. Like quickly
becoming a sage with some powers. When they dont see these results, they lose patience and dismiss your efforts as waste of time.

So how can we deal with these obstacles and find balance ? Balancing spiritual and family ambitions does not mean choosing one over the other. It is about integrating both. These are some approaches that can help.

*Independence is the key* 
Every seeker must aim for independence. This is also a required quality in a seeker. He must be financially and emotionally independent and be able to manage his own affairs easily. If one is not independent, then this is the foremost step to be taken. Women seekers should specifically make efforts to acquire skills and become financially independent. If there are people dependent on you, try to make them independent. For family members who derive a sense of security from you and are emotionally dependent, start by reducing dependency in a phasic manner.

*Adapt to life stages*
There are life phases that demand different degrees of focus. Early parenting years or caring for aging parents may need more involvement . It is recommended that first one should settle the most essential responsibilities. Denying family obligations in pursuit of spiritual ambitions is not at all wise. It will create imbalance. So balance is must. This balance should not be a compromise or conflict. It is to integrate both in a harmonious way. There are no one size fits all approach. Just as every phase of life changes, later stages of life will provide more time for spiritual practice, when one is freed from major dependencies.

*Marriage*
Marriage is another big bondage and also brings significant responsibility. Serious spiritual seekers who are yet to marry should reflect on these aspects and then decide upon marriage. Although marriage may not as a rule be an obstacle to spiritual path. If the purpose of marriage is aligned with spiritual goals, then both partners can complement each others journey. There are examples of great spiritual Gurus like Ramkrishna Paramhansa and his spouse Sharada Devi who lived as spiritual companions. However these occurrences are very rare and majority marriages do not support spiritual growth. So if one can find a supportive partner, it is great fortune or grace.

How to deal with the resistance from the family? Here are some ways that may help
*Communicate and Reassure*
Primary way to deal with any conflict is communication. Talk to your family about your journey. Explain them about your practices and how the practices can help you to your spiritual goals.

*Create balance*
By dedicating specific times to family and spiritual studies. Spending quality time with family often reduces the guilt of pursuing spiritual ambition. Prioritise without guilt. Guilt will hinder your progress. Use family as a spiritual training ground. Family relations can be challenging along with spiritual practice, however, they can also be as lessons in emotional mastery, patience and non attachment. Each misunderstanding allows more awareness, compassion and objectivity. The Family life gives ample opportunities for purification of thought , emotions, speech and actions.

*Do not try to impose*
Avoid imposing your path on other family members. Do not criticise their practices or deem their spiritual path inferior. Avoid speaking jargons or abstract concepts from your learnings. Do not show off your knowledge. In the excitement of your newly founded knowledge, do not share it if unasked for. It surely backfires. This is my own experience, where my enthusiastic sharing was trashed on my face. Your spiritual path is about your transformation and not about convincing others.
When the softer approaches like communication etc dont work, which happens more often than not, then the practical approach is to be diplomatic. Do not speak about your practices. Keep it private or secret. Try to project it as a minor hobby of curiosity and nothing very serious. Behave and involve with people in the usual way you do. You dont need to explain everything. It is like to stay in the world and yet out of the world, just like the lotus flower which remains untouched by the muddy waters around. Gradually situations will change and just as everything is impermanent, so are the obstacles.
If the family actively resists or undermines your spiritual pursuits, it may require to be dealt with firmness and compassion. Consider limiting interaction while maintaining forgiveness. Protecting your own well being is crucial for your spiritual journey. Also try to seek support outside family from other fellow seekers ,or guidance from Teachers or mentors who have faced similar challenges.

Balancing spiritual and family life is like a tight rope. It requires patience, empathy and awareness. This journey can be harmonised by communicating openly, addressing resistance wisely along with performing the necessary responsibilities. Ultimately, the journey is not escaping but taking every challenge as just one more experience.

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Balancing Spiritual And Family Ambitions

Neelam Nimare