Parenting With Awareness - Raising Little Buddhas | Wise Words ज्ञानाक्षर

Parenting With Awareness - Raising Little Buddhas

Neelam Nimare

## Raising Little Buddhas

I recently completed a program Essence of knowledge. This is a spiritual program based on The Path of Knowledge where the seeker realises his True nature. Through the teachings I came to know that all suffering in this world is due to not knowing your True nature. It was surprising as how can one not be aware of what he truly is. This should be the most obvious and natural thing to know. But Man has been ignorant of his Truth since ages. Why has this happened? This is because he was never told what he truly was. As a person grows up, he is given identities by the people around him, parents, friends, relatives, teachers etc that he is the name, gender ,occupation, nationality and also his opinions, thoughts and emotions. These layers and layers of identities become an integral part of him and he is totally disconnected from what his true nature is. He begins to think, act and live based on these false identities and spends his entire life struggling to maintain them. Needless to say life becomes an unhappy mess, till someone develops a strong desire to get out of it. The path of knowledge is a way to cut through all those layers of false identities and brings the person to realise his True essence. Through this path, I came to the realisation of who I really Am. This realisation could not have happened without the guidance of my Teacher.
This realisation led me thinking that if as a child, a person is introduced to his True self, life could be joyful for everyone. Each child can be brought up without feeding him the blind beliefs and the false identities. It sounds so simple but then why has it not happened to us as kids. It is because the people around us, our parents, friends, school teachers etc were themselves ignorant of this Truth. They unknowingly transmitted all their false beliefs , concepts and conditioning to us as children.

So now, can the parents who have realised the Truth themselves ,be able to raise children who are free from false identifications and beliefs ? If yes, will a young child be able understand this knowledge, will he be interested to listen to any spiritual things ? certainly it doesnt seem likely ! Then, in what way can we bring up a child who is aware of his true nature and not get influenced by the external conditioning.
Contemplating on this, it seemed evident that children are already born pure, in their true nature . True nature means unconditioned awareness that exists before any identity, belief or story. As they grow, society feeds them all sorts of concepts and beliefs.. Be a good boy, you have to win, Be smart, crying is weak. Gradually, the light of their awareness starts to dim. So the key may be to provide the them an environment that is reasonably free from conditionings. 
Can this be somehow done?
Firstly question arises, how does conditioning happen ?
 Conditioning of the mind is rooted in the human biology. In the human brain, the area responsible for reasoning, critical thinking and logic called as Pre frontal cortex is not fully developed upto 6 years of age, and it continues to mature till late adolescence age. So children and adolescents lack full ability to reason or discern. Whatever sensory data is presented to them, their little mind takes in as it is, without applying much logic or filters. Their subconscious minds are just like sponges that soak and retain all information. All the experiences they see, hear and feel, all the identities and labels they are given, are deeply held in their minds or memory and taken as their own. These imposed identities and experiences become strongly held beliefs about the self. We call this the ignorance. So as this stage of brain development is so Porus, it gives us an opportunity to not feed them with ignorance and nurture them in such a way that they be connected with their natural state.

An unborn child and its mother are almost a unit. The child is merged, in a sort of oneness with the mothers body. The first thing that happens with birth is that the child separates from the mother. This separation has to happen so that the child becomes an independent and autonomous entity. He has to discover and experience life with his own uniqueness and freedom. This is a necessary natural process. Most parents do not take this separation well. The physical umbilical cord is cut but the invisible cord that gives a sense of owning the children stays. This takes form of attachment. Fear and control can arise out of this attachment. It becomes a bondage. Attachment becomes a cause of great suffering for the child and parents both. So parents have to let go the ownership attitude for the children and let become independent individuals .Allow them freedom to express in their own with a background of unconditional Love. Children come through us but do not belong to us. Too much meticulous parenting will prevent the child to be functional in this world. Plan for nothing and you will be ready for everything. So the best thing for young children would be to provide them healthy nutrition, adequate safety, only necessary guidance and unconditional love. Let them bloom on their own just as flowering happens in nature.

### Model Being
The simplest and most effective way to silently transmit the knowledge is through modelling. If you yourself are at peace, not engaging too much with external things for happiness, all this will be silently transmitted to your children. How you process your own emotions, how much your actions are based on ego will become their memory impressions. Modelling is most natural way to showcase Being. Kids are super sensitive. Even without words, communication continues to happen through our actions, demeanour and gestures. To be a model to your children, you need not be perfect in behaviour. Just be authentic to the best of your ability.

### Cultivating the intellect
For any person, a strong intellect may prevent acquiring ignorance through the environment .To cultivate the intellect, we should encourage curiosity, encourage critical thinking in children. These are very important attributes. All ignorance is built up due to lack of these qualities. Once children have these qualities, they will find out the Truth on their own. Let them question, allow them to disagree. Let them explore the small things they face in daily life. Encourage making small independent decision since early days. 
Do not shield them from all sorts of challenges but only from unnecessary risks. Normalise failure as part of the process.
Observe what are their natural inclinations and support that. Avoid the urge to mould them into someone acceptable based on existing cultural norms. 
Also help them connect with their intuition like asking ..what feels right for you ?, instead of providing them your own ready made opinions.
Avoid comparison with peers.
Do not impose traditions on them. Discuss the reasoning behind the the cultural norms, traditions or rules. Introduce diverse perspectives of anything and if mature enough, let them choose whatever they feel right for them rather than imposing our own beliefs and traditions as true.

### Emotional processing 
Unprocessed feelings and emotions become the impurities of the mind. So guiding children process their emotions helps build a pure mind.
Create an open environment to express all emotions without suppression or Shame. Accept emotions without judgement, tell them It is okay to feel sad instead of Dont cry or Be strong. Avoid fixing emotions quickly, let them take time to sit with them. Help them to see the emotions objectively, something happening inside them and not to them. Help them view them as visitors, that are temporary and have some information. For Example It seems anger has come what is it trying to say? Also small shifts in language will help dis identification with the emotion, like saying I am noticing anger in me , instead of I am angry.

So there will innumerable ways and methods to bring up Aware children. Primarily it requires aware parents. This is an art and science. Each child parent pair have their own unique chemistry. It is a skill that keeps refining and evolving . After all, A parent is born when the child is born. Before that they were woman and man.